Friday, March 1, 2013

Dear Unnamed Singer,

Dear You,

I will admit, I do rock out to your songs on my way to work.  I also understand that they are completely nonsense, but that didn't stop me from writing you today.  Did you consult with Saber-Toothed Tigers in the making of your most recent song? I may not be up to-date on my feline knowledge or the processing of alcoholic beverages but I am having a hard believing that Saber-Toothed Tigers had the opportunity to imbibe a warm, All-American beverage in their heyday. 

I can honestly say that I have never felt like a Saber-Toothed Tiger when I sip on warm beer, it really just makes me feel awful about my life, for a couple of reasons:
1. I hate beer, so if I am sipping on some you know that my night is going terribly wrong.
2. I hate warm drinks, it usually means it is awful but I am trying to finish what I paid for since I sometimes still have that college-kid mentality or I have to make it last because I have to be responsible...either with money or my life, both of which are unfortunate.

I feel like you may have portrayed them in a not so flattering light, which could tarnish their reputation since they aren't here to defend themselves.  However, I do understand that you may have one living with your unicorn and therefore know more than me, but the odds of that is not in your favor.  But I guess for the sake of fairness, next time I am stuck with a warm beer, I will try to channel my inner Saber-Toothed Tiger and see what comes of it.

But I still think you are an air-head. Who writes really catchy tunes. But still dumb.